Maybe I'm Not One of a Kind

It took me a long time to come up with the title Hanging Out Inside. I couldn't help but feel accomplished when I came up with it. It doesn't take a lot to send me to the clouds. I loved the name. Still love it. Too me, it explains an introvert. It also speaks to how we have an inner and outer selves, with the inner self being a place all of one's own. So, I started thinking-- I'm going to reserve the name on social media sites. Imagine how far my jaw fell when I discovered that my original idea wasn't so original. An Other was already using the name.

It was a blow. A one-two punch in the face and gut. As children, we are busy trying to fit in. We join cliques, embrace fads, and mimic popular people, shows, and music (introverts to a lesser degree, but to some degree nonetheless). Yet, at the same time, we want to be original. Who wants to have the same name as everyone else? Gah. We are social creatures with individual identities and needs and wants. We all want to belong, but we want to also be unique. Maybe it's a kind of self-preservation thing. If we can offer something unique to the group, we feel more indispensable and special. I know someone out there studies this stuff and can provide more insight. If that's you, please feel free to be the first to leave a comment.

Anyway, I recall my high school teacher stating that Darwin wasn't the only one coming up with this theory on evolution. Someone else across the oceans and land also had the idea and at about the same time. However, Darwin published first, and he owns history. It all reminds me of the Apple logo turned into a Steve Jobs tribute. You can read more about it here. Basically, more than one person claim to have independently come up with this or something very similar to it:

from techdirt.com

So what's a gal to do? I'm definitely keeping the name. I can't bare to change the name so my blog will have a title completely different than the over 150 million blogs out there now. After going through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance), I realize that it will be okay. I mean, if everyone freaked out because they had the same name as someone else, apocalypse would have happened yesterday. I joke often about being selfish and greedy and lazy... which may be true to a great extent... but I'm willing to share a name... this time.

ps. Our blog content is totally different anyway. Does that still make me one of a kind?

365 Day 4: Hair Accessories

I'm playing The Minimalists' game for the month of April. If you like to know more about it, click here. I'm working the game into my overall goal. I want to get rid of one item (or more) everyday for the next 365 days. If you like to know more about that, click here. The game is my goal on crack. By the end of the month, I would have gotten rid of 465 items. That's a lot, and I'm not quite sure if I can do it unless I start counting crayons. But I'm willing to give it a try.

Over the years I have accumulated a lot of stuff. I really want to live in a clutter free home. That's hard right now. We're a family of five. Three of the five are kids, and boy, do they have lots and lots and lots of stuff. Yeah, I know that's my fault. I'm seeing the light, or more realistically, the clutter. We have lots of storage disguised as wooden trunks, vases, baskets, drawers, and cabinets. The clutter, however, doesn't like to stay out of sight, out of mind. We often end up with empty storage and stuff everywhere, turning this home into a dangerous labyrinth. Don't step on the Legos! Has anyone seen the bunny?! To be clear, I will not be getting rid of my husband's or kids' things and count it as part of my overall goal. I'm going to leave that up to them. Of course, they may hear some words of encouragement from me.

I tried moving toward a minimalistic lifestyle before. Obviously, I failed. I'm going to try again. So today is Day 4 of my goal, but Day 3 (or April 3) of the game. In the spirit of the game, I'm doing away with 3 hair accessories. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that the two brightly colored bands are mine and not the kids. I think my inner hippy took over that day I looked for a new hairbrush. The crazy thing is that I purchased those hair accessories and never used them... never. So not only were these things a waste of space (cluttering my bathroom sink counter), but a waste of money. Hmmm.... I think I'm slowly learning a bigger lesson here.

The Minimalists' Game

The Minimalists threw down a challenge. Actually, its a game you can play between two or more people. Starting on April 1, you get rid of one item. Then on the 2nd, two items, and so on. The winner is the one who can go the furtherest. It's a tie if both players reach the last day. I call it a challenge because I will be playing this game by myself.

Someone calculated that it would mean saying goodbye to 465 items in April. Of course, I'm not the one doing the calculations, but I'm willing to take the word of a stranger. I know the challenge will be difficult especially since I still plan to go forward with my 365 day challenge. April is going to be like minimalists on speed. Actually, I'm starting to have doubts. Do I even have that much stuff?

Here is The Minimalists' original post: http://www.theminimalists.com/game/

***Update*** I have some friends, or at least a friend, who will play with me!

365 Day 3: Totes

I found these two totes and said goodbye to them. We lived in Germany, and these bags were handy. Most Germans, and probably Europeans in general, used re-useable bags for grocery shopping. If you didn't have one, then you could buy a bag for a Euro or less when you checked out your groceries. 

I heard Hawaii will go to the same system, in which case I have several more totes. 

I know my photos aren't the best in terms of picture quality. As time goes on, I may do something about that. Right now, if you are okay with it, I'm okay with it.

What's going to work? Teamwork!

I dread meeting new people, especially if I have to work with them. That's a bit ironic since I want to go into teaching. I'm sure someone will point out what seems like an introvert's nightmare: the first day of school. Let's say five classes and 25 students in each class kind of nightmare. That's 125 new people in a single day. In my head, however, that's two different things. It is a misnomer that introverts hate people and hate socializing. I love people. I love socializing. I just need to get to know you and feel like our purpose together will break through the superficial facade and small talk. I also like watching others interact. And believe it or not, a classroom doesn't have to be all about the teacher talking, but students interacting and learning as they do it. I love watching ideas and meaning come to life and shine through people's eyes. And once again, I'm tripping off the path, the main focus of what I was going to write about. I'll stop picking flowers and go on to Grandma's house.

So, I want to teach, and thus, I'm working on my teacher certification. I'm taking online courses to help me get there. Now here's the kicker. I just started a new quarter. I perused the syllabi, and in one of my courses, I read team project. <gasp> I had to tell myself to breath. Isn't that ridiculous? Like, I want to teach, and I will probably assign team projects. Yet, here I am feeling my stomach trying to drop down in an attempt to flee out my nether regions.

Not only do I have to be part of a team project, part of the grade is dependent on individual team participation. Not just my participation, but the participation of the others. I tell myself that teamwork is good. The sharing and collaboration of ideas and work usually create something better than what a person can do by themselves (even novelists have agents and editors). I tell myself, that if I want to teach, it's important that I work with other like minded educators, which includes my virtual classmates. We have something to learn from each other, and teachers need to learn. They should be experts at learning if they are to help students to become life-long learners.

Now, not all introverts are alike. Some may not be bothered by this at all. Others might be just slightly annoyed. Me, however, am anxious. I wonder who will be assigned in my group. What kind of individuals are they? Will they contribute? Will we have intelligent dialogue? Will we create a meaningful project together. Will we effectively work together as a team? What if I don't connect?

I think it's the whole not knowing how this will work combined with not knowing the people too. A double whammy. I know, in the end, it will work out. Things usually do. It will probably go better than expected (I tend to imagine all scenarios, even the worst, so I can be prepared). Still, I'm anxious. That doesn't mean I'm falling apart or bailing. That doesn't mean I'm not a good team player or don't want to be a team player. It means that I care. I care about the project and about the individuals who will be on my team. I care how I do and hope to make meaningful contributions. I care so much that I can't help thinking about it and feeling anxious. I know that anxiety will subside once the team moves pass the meet and greet into the nitty gritty. That's what I look forward to. I will probably even be sad once it's all done and wonder why I was anxious in the first place. Until then, I'm trying to make sure my stomach stays inside.

365 Day 2: Shoes

All right. I admit that I have many more pairs of shoes than three, but this is all I could bring myself to give away. The water shoes in the middle cut into my heels. I figure now is a good time to say goodbye to the slippers, or flipflops, on the left since I technically replaced them several months back. The pair on the far right... well, I haven't worn those in ages, and I figure three is a more magical number than two.

I Love You

Well, not you. Maybe I could if I knew you more. Then, my husband would be jealous, and while that would be amusing on some levels, I prefer to keep some distance. (Disclaimer: My husband is a swell kind of guy and puts up with a lot. Whatever I write you mustn't think it's him. It's not. It's me. I'm selfish like that.)

I'm talking about my family. Somewhere in an earlier post-- I'm too lazy to find it even if I have only 6 more-or-less postings-- I made a note to tell my family every morning and every evening, "I love you." How easy is that? It's like a no fail New Year's resolution. Only evil people would fail at something like that, right? I think I just stole the horns from Angelina Jolie's Maleficent. Seriously. I'm wearing them now while sitting on the couch and eating pound cake. Fail. Fail. Fail.

I'm not even at the end of the week, and I already messed up. While my two oldest squirmed through school, I sat here and realized that I ushered them off without saying three simple words, which is not, by the way, "Fail. Fail. Fail."

As I moped about a mommy failure, it dawned on me that I could at least say it to the youngest who hasn't even started school yet. So I yelled out, "I Love You!" and she yelled it back, in the same way. I suddenly wish that I could be screaming and yelling "I Love you" to all of them and all of them screaming and yelling it back. Shoot. I would qualify that as quality 'love' time, which was another goal of mine. I think I'm doing okay on that part though. Lucky me, the kids like stories and we have spent some time reading picturebooks together. I guess it's the introvert in me that just has a hard time expressing in words what I feel shouldn't be necessary when it can be expressed in actions. But I understand that other people need to hear it to feel it too... especially children.

And what about my husband? I have settled with texting him "I love you" in the mornings and whispering it to him at night when we are in bed. It's the nature of long days and work weeks. This is not going as perfect as I imagined.

I know, in terms of reality (no fairy tales), that the world won't stop to notice that I missed a morning. Even this blog confession will probably not go beyond one person-- if I even have a reader out there. My family doesn't even know about my goals, or even this blog. I know, though, that my world stopped when I realized I didn't do what I said I would do. It's so easy to talk about what you are going to do. It's much harder to execute. Even if the execution is really just talking... saying three words, "I love you."

This afternoon, when the other two kids come home, we'll hang out. When we do, I know what I'll tell them. It's not always easy being an introvert in an extroverted world, but I'll do it because I really do love them and I need them to know that too.