365 Day 1: Food Containers

I count today as Day 1. I'm feeling motivated. I know one plastic bag filled with old food containers and bento boxes that we don't use is not a lot, but it's a start. I figure I should start slow. I know this will be easier in the beginning. When I was way, way younger, I ran long distance in high school. I'm pacing myself because I know me, and me will have a hard time as the weeks go by. However, if I tried to do this in a shorter timespan, like a month, I probably would burn out and give up. That's part of the reason why I'm giving myself 365 days. I'm going to take it one day at a time. Hopefully this act will be habit forming.

By the way, I don't do yard sales and garage sales. Call me lazy, but I'm taking the easy way out. There's these drive-by charity groups that frequent our neighborhood. The next time one rolls around, I'll be leaving my the stuff by the side of the road.

Spam

So this emeals thing is harder than I thought. I should have known because it involves cooking. Silly me. A few days ago, before I signed up for emeals, I lost the battle to spam. Yes, I wrote SPAM. I don't hide (anymore) the fact that we eat it. We moved to Hawaii last year, and it did wonders for my self-esteem. Spam is everywhere here. Even McDonalds sells it right along with rice. Suddenly it's okay for me to eat spam in public and like it! I love it, even if it beats me up.

Warning! Graphic Photo! Not really, but thought I would warn you in case you were squeamish.

I seriously considered going to the doc for my popping grease wound. Instead I reached for some Neosporin foam, which unlike the label said, stung like a b**chy bee.

Geez. I totally went off topic. Anyway, if you want to learn more about emeals, click here or for their blog, here.

Suddenly, I don't want to go into great length about emeals in this blog. I guess getting distracted does that. I will say I want to cook better meals, save money and save time. I'm hoping it works out, especially since I went ahead and signed up for a year.

365

I admire minimalists, but I am far from one. There is something appealing to live with less. Less stuff, less mess. On the surface, this means having less materials cluttering the home. It can also translate into getting rid of drama and embracing simplicity in our lives. The more we allow into our lives, the harder it is to filter through it all and see what is important. I believe a simple life is a fuller life.

This page will track my progress to minimalism. I don't expect to live bare bones. However, I hope to come to a reasonable conclusion for a mom living in a family of five. I call this page 365 because my goal is to get rid of one item every day.

While I hope to have my entire family embracing the minimalist movement (or at least declutter a bit), I don't think it is fair to push them off the cliff and say they are jumping with me. For that reason, I am only tracking my progress. Who knows, maybe by the end of the year they will have join me.

Knowing me, I have to come up with some rules. I don't want to end up cheating myself! So here they are:

1. I can only count items that I own or that I am the predominant user. That means I cannot get rid of kids' toys as part of my 365. I can count cooking ware and storage items because I am the one who mainly uses those.

2. If I bring a new item into the home, I must be willing to get rid of an item. It just isn't logical to get rid of 365 items in a year, but take in that many items or more. That would defeat the purpose of living more with less.

3. I also must count gifts as new items brought into the home. If I like it enough to keep it, I must make room for it by saying goodbye to something else.

4. I can get rid of more items on any given day. However, I cannot count those item toward future days.  The exception (there always has to be something) would be vacations. Since I'm not at home to actually get rid of things, I can plan ahead and get rid of things for the days I am away from home or make up for lost days when I get back.

5. I will post weekly. That way I can keep track of what I am doing and stay motivated to keep it up for the next 365.

Spring: New Course, New Me

Springs is here. Almost. I figure this is a good time to start looking at myself. Actually, I have been looking at myself for a while now and realized there are things I would like to change. Before I get into that I want to explain how I became the person I didn't want to be when I enrolled in my college courses.

I sometimes believe I can do more than I can. I know that sounds self-deprecating or that I may get into some kind of "humble boast." It's not like that, though. What I mean by "doing more than I can" is that I will start something and not realize the time and resources needed. My courses were more intense than I predicted, and therefore, I had to take more time away from my family and put them into the courses to get the grades that I wanted. Then I get frustrated, because I feel the pressure of the goals I set and see the toll it takes on me and the family. Instead of being this organized, I-can-do-it all kind of person, I become a grouch-- Move over Oscar, this is my Trashcan.

I hate being a grouch. I know that's hard to tell by my last post, but I really don't like feeling grouchy and frustrated. In the end, I met my goal and got the grades I wanted, but do I feel better as a person? No. Don't get me wrong, I put a lot of effort into those courses, and I learned a lot. I'm proud of that, but not proud of the person that I became to achieve it. What kind of person did I become? Someone who was not fun to be around. I played with the kids less. I spent less time with my husband. I lost my temper more which meant I did more yelling. I placed unrealistic expectations on my family's behavior (wanting to the children to be good and quiet all the time) instead of seeing how my behavior affected everyone. 

I finished the quarter, or I should say, I survived the quarter along with my family. After a one week break, I start the next quarter... tomorrow. I dread repeating hell. So I decided no matter what the course throws at me, I'm going to find happiness in every single day. I came up with two rules to help me find happiness.

1. Love: I promise to tell my husband and kids I love them every morning and every night. I will also show them love by spending time with them by playing their favorite games, reading their favorite books, or just watching their favorite shows with them. I will also make time to love myself. I will read my favorite books and write. I will do things that I enjoy and invite my family and friends to share in that joy.

2. Reflect: At the end of the day, I will reflect. What brought me joy? What didn't go so well? What can I do to make tomorrow better,  more meaningful, more joyful.

I could come up with a more complicated plan by telling myself I will be more organized, I will wake up everyday at 5am and do school work, I will have the kids in bed by 8pm, etc. But then, I think I lose focus of my real goal... to be a better person for myself and for my family.

The American Dream

I read a BBC article titled American Dream breeds shame and blame for jobseekers dated 25 March 2014. If you aren't sure what is the American Dream <gasp>, please read on. It's the United State's ethos and heavily influences the way we Americans feel, think, and behave.

For a long time, I never questioned the American Dream. Never would consider it. And those who railed against it-- didn't hear about those kinds of people until I was much older-- were decidedly anti-American, a derogatory pronouncement to this day especially if you are an American. The American Dream explained everything. It was real. The Great Equalizer. The you-get-what-you-deserve dream manifested in our social class and standings. If you were rich, you earned it. If you had a good job, you worked hard for it. If you had the Leave-It-To-Beaver family or The-Brady-Bunch kind of life, you did something right. The American Dream was a meritocracy. I can be and do anything.

The American Dream has appeal. It over-rides uncontrollable factors such as identity (Minority? No problem! Work harder!) and economics (Poor? No problem! Work harder!). The idea is that you cannot control what or who you were born into, but you can control where you end up.

But there is a vulnerable underbelly of the American Dream. Like many wild creatures, those of the American Dream fiercely protect that underbelly. I first discovered the underbelly in a children's literature course, of all places, that explored cultural values and indoctrination in children's literature. I came across an article (sadly don't have the reference) that explained how every culture is based on ideas that shape a society's identity. The ideas become ingrained to the point that the society no longer considers those ideas as theories or concepts, but accepted truths NOT to be questioned. Growing up, I viewed the American Dream as a fact, a reality. I only first questioned The Dream during that course.

Personal success validates the dream and feeds into ego. However, what happens when a person fails? The BBC article points to Detroit as an example of the American Dream and its erosive affects on self-esteem and self-confidence. Detroit, of course, isn't the only example. The article could have easily included homeless veterans, failed artists, and every person who never became what they dreamed. Failure is internalized: What happened? What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently? What if...

What if things aren't as controllable as we believe? Cancer doesn't just eat away an individual. It eats into family finances, emotions, and time. You can do everything right and a tornado will still tear up your home. You can cross the street, get hit by a bus, and be bedridden for the remainder of life. Ok, I know there are people out there who will say you should not have eaten GMOs,  or move, or look both ways before crossing the street.

I call that defending the underbelly. We become vulnerable and defensive when someone attacks our truths. What we fail to realize is that ideas aren't necessarily truths. They are just that, ideas. We are meant to think about them and understand them. If we are to be the best, we have to understand who we are. We have to understand The Dream and how that made us and the path we walk because of it.

While I know people will call me un-American for this post (Oh boy. This is my first post), I think it is very American to ask questions, to explore beliefs, and to exercise First Amendment rights. I love the ideal of the American Dream, but I also know that we (myself included) have let the American Dream cloud reality. We judge others based on The Dream. You're homeless because you deserve it. Get a job. Work harder. We don't consider mental illness, infirmities, and the tornadoes that plough through lives. When we do, we tend to do it superficially. So bad things happened to you, but you can still pull yourself up by the boot straps. Why should my hard earned money help feed children of lazy, welfare moms. The American Dream doesn't just affect the way we view ourselves, but how we view others. It governs our beliefs and actions.

I've been wanting to voice my thoughts on the American Dream. I admit that there is a part of me afraid to share because people will call me un-American. But I assure you, I am very American, and I love this country enough to say, "It's time we start asking ourselves the hard questions and expose the underbelly of our belief system."





I probably can go on and on. However, I read somewhere that a blog post shouldn't be too long. So I'll end here.