Trying to get back

Sometimes you want to say f*** this. Really. That's kind of how I felt over the last... I don't know how long has it been? Three weeks? Longer? It started when the stomach virus hit. Three puking kids, endless cycles of laundry, and shampooing carpets and sofas. There were also my school assignments, appointments, and the usual errands. Needless to say, my move to minimalism got derailed.

For the last week, things have slowed down. I found a way to breath again. The family is back on a somewhat familiar routine. Yet, I'm unwilling to jump right into my 365 movement or into The Minimalist Game-- going through all my stuff and figuring out what I should toss, giveaway, or donate. It's really hard to get back into something you stopped for a period of time. A part of me is disappointed that I didn't last long... hardly at all. There's also a part of me that thinks, what is the point? How many times do I try to do this and then stop? Sometimes it is years in between before I'm willing to restart this simplifying process.

Yet, there is also that side of me that feels I need to get back to the basics more than ever. If nothing else, the last few weeks showed me how frustratingly chaotic my life is. I don't like how I felt the last few weeks. I really don't like being that frazzled, get things done at the last minute kind of person. I truly understand that there were factors that would have tested Mother Theresa's patience. Puke being foremost. However, I believe that if I were at a better spot in my life, I probably could have handled it better.

I also realized getting rid of things isn't going to make my life stress free. It's a way of life. I sure do want to get there. I tell myself there will be more setbacks, but that doesn't mean I won't get there. It just may take me longer than I planned.

So, I'm taking time to re-think this. I'm going to have to decide if I'm going to get there by doing what I did before or by trying something else. I also have to decide if I'm going there, where is there? I know the 'feeling' of that life. I am good at imagining how I would feel, but I don't think I imagined what it would mean to live that life beyond a feeling. What does simplifying mean to me? What kind of life is that? What would a normal day be like? What do I do in that day? How do I interact with people around me and with the things I come across? What kind of person am I?

In summary, I'm still trying to figure it out.