I dread meeting new people, especially if I have to work with them. That's a bit ironic since I want to go into teaching. I'm sure someone will point out what seems like an introvert's nightmare: the first day of school. Let's say five classes and 25 students in each class kind of nightmare. That's 125 new people in a single day. In my head, however, that's two different things. It is a misnomer that introverts hate people and hate socializing. I love people. I love socializing. I just need to get to know you and feel like our purpose together will break through the superficial facade and small talk. I also like watching others interact. And believe it or not, a classroom doesn't have to be all about the teacher talking, but students interacting and learning as they do it. I love watching ideas and meaning come to life and shine through people's eyes. And once again, I'm tripping off the path, the main focus of what I was going to write about. I'll stop picking flowers and go on to Grandma's house.
So, I want to teach, and thus, I'm working on my teacher certification. I'm taking online courses to help me get there. Now here's the kicker. I just started a new quarter. I perused the syllabi, and in one of my courses, I read team project. <gasp> I had to tell myself to breath. Isn't that ridiculous? Like, I want to teach, and I will probably assign team projects. Yet, here I am feeling my stomach trying to drop down in an attempt to flee out my nether regions.
Not only do I have to be part of a team project, part of the grade is dependent on individual team participation. Not just my participation, but the participation of the others. I tell myself that teamwork is good. The sharing and collaboration of ideas and work usually create something better than what a person can do by themselves (even novelists have agents and editors). I tell myself, that if I want to teach, it's important that I work with other like minded educators, which includes my virtual classmates. We have something to learn from each other, and teachers need to learn. They should be experts at learning if they are to help students to become life-long learners.
Now, not all introverts are alike. Some may not be bothered by this at all. Others might be just slightly annoyed. Me, however, am anxious. I wonder who will be assigned in my group. What kind of individuals are they? Will they contribute? Will we have intelligent dialogue? Will we create a meaningful project together. Will we effectively work together as a team? What if I don't connect?
I think it's the whole not knowing how this will work combined with not knowing the people too. A double whammy. I know, in the end, it will work out. Things usually do. It will probably go better than expected (I tend to imagine all scenarios, even the worst, so I can be prepared). Still, I'm anxious. That doesn't mean I'm falling apart or bailing. That doesn't mean I'm not a good team player or don't want to be a team player. It means that I care. I care about the project and about the individuals who will be on my team. I care how I do and hope to make meaningful contributions. I care so much that I can't help thinking about it and feeling anxious. I know that anxiety will subside once the team moves pass the meet and greet into the nitty gritty. That's what I look forward to. I will probably even be sad once it's all done and wonder why I was anxious in the first place. Until then, I'm trying to make sure my stomach stays inside.
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